Saturday, 23 May 2020

Things I am good at.

I always think,
about the things, I am good at.
Really good.

Today I found that out,
Unintentionally and effortlessly.

I'm really good at feeling things.
Actually, I am the best.

Tuesday, 21 April 2020

My dearest Achamma,



You were and are everything to me. All of my earliest and happiest memories are with you. I never saw anything other than love and kindness in your eyes. Your love was the light of my life and I have wondered how can someone love anyone this profoundly. 
Your love and compassion were like a fathomless ocean and its waves touched many blessed beings. 

I have vivid memories of our old home. At nights, we would all sleep on the long cots laid on the red floor. You keep me close to your heart and still, when I close my eyes, I can remember the scent of your skin and your motherly hands around me. There was a broad window pane where I used to sit as a child looking at our school ground. During the beginning of summers, the migrant wanderers would occupy the ground and you would listen to my silly chatter about them patiently. We spent a lot of days together. You looked after me, fed me, sent me to school...You even wrote my homework. I can't even remember how many candies I have had with all the little amounts of pocket money you had given.

You would send Shobhavellyamma to pick me up from Anganwadi at noons and when I come back you would be making lunch by mashing the rice with curd. Achamma, I don't know how many times you fed me with your hands, the love you serve along with it made all of them the greatest meal I've ever had.


You were always my safe haven. I have heard stories of me running to you complaining about amma and aunts so that you would scold them without reasoning. Your unconditional love was beyond all kinds of reasoning. Anyday, you would know my sufferings by just a glance. My dearest, you read my heart before the words. You were my precious angel. 

How many stories have you told me! On our walks to the temple in the evenings through the village road, you held my hands and told stories all the way. You always spoke to God for me during all of my tough days. Never did I go to attend an exam without your blessings. It was everything I needed.

The way you gave me pocket money secretly though the whole world knew only you could spoil me. I remember how pissed you were when I cut my hair short. All the years I lived, we were together for our favorite time of the year which is Vishu and I can't believe you left on that day this year and didn't come back.

You were a very witty person. Your curiosity to learn new things always amazed me.
Never have I ever heard you talk ill about a person. Everyone in the world loved you. You were the best mother and grandmother. If love had a face, it was yours my achamma.




Now, you look after me from heaven.
And I would miss you so much because I've never loved anyone as much as I loved you. You are everywhere around and everyone kind to me reminds me of you.

I will miss seeing your name on my call log.
I will miss all the kisses and hugs.
I will miss you saying how thin I've become though I was always fat.
I will miss you feeding me everything edible.
I will miss you telling me to dry my hair and not get sick.
I will miss your laughter when I show funny photos and videos on the phone.
I will miss you waiting for me at home, your love was home to me.
I will miss your songs.
I will miss calling you achamma with my heart full.
I will miss all our great times together.
I will miss everything about you.
You were my everything.

You were a mother, grandmother, and best friend to me.
But I know you are with me always.
You are inside my heart.

My lovely and beautiful achamma,
I love you. I love you. I love you
I love you more than anything.

I write to get rid of the ache in heart, but I don't want the pain of your loss to reduce one bit. It reminds me of the intensity of your profound love. You taught us to love unconditionally. Your compassion moved many people.

I know you are watching me from the beyond. I hope you are happy and at peace over there. Be with me.


With love and more love,
Remembering you always and forever,
Yours,
Anu.

Thursday, 16 April 2020

people.

people.
my lovely people.
Why are you in pain?
why do you leave?

This is so fucking hard.

Friday, 14 February 2020

...

At those nights,
after when the midnight fall asleep,
Let's talk about Gibran and Neruda.

I'll ask you to close your eyes
And I'll recite Rumi's,

We'll call it a night,
When you recite back,
With your kisses.

Thursday, 6 February 2020

Relevance of feminism in the contemporary society; A perspective.


Well, we have come a long way from the times when feminism burned like an ethereal fire to the cyber massacre as we witness today. My ideals went on growing linearly as my meta-thinking devoured the characters of early 19th and 20th-century novels which began from Ms. Elizabeth Bennet of “Pride and Prejudice” to Mrs. Weasley of “To the Lighthouse”. Authors like Virginia Woolf, Sylvia Plath, Simone de Beauvoir, and Toni Morrison had paved my way to feminist literature. But this write up is not about the aspects discussed during the Victorian era,
It is the tale that every observant millennial young adult would want to tell and my journey to become a feminist.

Painting by Australian artist Jessica Watts
Being an equalist, I would root to humanity and it is the ideal concept that upholds both ethos and pathos, it could also contribute to the purist way of thinking and living.  Gender equality and feminism are similar concepts as feminism is defined to be the belief that women should be allowed the same rights, power, and opportunities as men and be treated in the same way, or the set of activities intended to achieve this state. Cheris Kramarae, a famous scholar in the area of women's studies and communication and the co-author of A Feminist Dictionary said that “Feminism is the radical notion that women are human beings.”


Gender equality doesn’t give importance to any particular one. As I believe human gender and sexuality are a spectrum, I would like you to know that this discussion is not just adhered to male or female alone.
Now, doesn’t it evoke thoughts about why feminism arises although a similar altruistic concept of gender equality exists? Yes, we all know the way women were treated from the beginning of human history. Our education system made sure it was not excluded from the syllabus and the understanding of the concepts were of course measure by memory tests. Living in 2020, let us all open our eyes and analyze the current atmosphere for women at all kinds of institutions beginning with the home.
Most of us millennials grew up in homes without facing the extreme horrible male chauvinism or patriarchy. The thing is, it is not about the severity scales but the ubiquity.


The justification comes under various strata like protection and social obligation. Talking about protection, the violation of an individual’s freedom of choice clothing or expression is often questioned as it might cause a threat or rise safety issues, but it is time to fight the “hazard”. There are equal rights to express oneself irrespective of gender. We could always see a woman who talks politics or wears short clothes are often targeted and shamed in various ways. Objectification of women is glorified by our film industries and misunderstood as a trait of masculinity. As long as the need for protection exists, we can conclude that society is not yet ready to fight what’s threatening safety.
When the reason is not protection, it could be the toxic resistance to change or the reluctance to let go of the patriarchal systems. Our society is still at the stage where men are the most trusted drivers just because they are ‘men’. Women are obligated under various psychological pressure to withstand the sexism.
Every woman of our age faces casual sexism on a daily basis. We confront it from our homes, educational institutions, workplace and almost from everywhere. The horizontal hostility makes women stand in favor of patriarchy too, which is very disappointing. Maybe one would think about the big deal in ignoring a minor sexist comment, but that’s the thing about casual sexism; one by one it accumulates from everywhere and the culmination is horrible. It stands as a hindrance at every ingress.
 Today, we see feminism being misapprehended as something born from vanity. People who stand for the true values of it are being defamed and given ‘names’. The repercussions of these are a deceived lot of young people who unintentionally becomes a part of misogyny.
It is high time to improvise our mindset into a broader space where men, women, and all other genders are treated as equals. The ethos and pathos should be effectively conveyed to our children through good parenting. We must raise our voice and act appropriately when humans of any gender are subjected to sexism. We all deserve this world equally, not more or less.

“Women have sat indoors all these millions of years, so that by this time the very walls are permeated by their creative force, which has, indeed, so overcharged the capacity of bricks and mortar that it must needs harness itself to pens and brushes and business and politics.”
Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own


Friday, 3 January 2020

Comrade


The cracks in your heart,
Were just a continuum of mine.
The tears that rolled down your cheek,
Were from my eyes.

And when pain asphyxiated you,
My heart was strangled.
When your days were bright,
I saw clear skies too.

But, only when you leave,
The pain weighs more,

On my side.

Itinerary.


When you burst into laughter,
Looking at the sky,
I want to steal glances,
And save it inside my heart.

On the days you talk endlessly,
Eyes shining with passion,
I will interrupt it for a second,
To whisper, "love you so much".

On starry nights,
While listening to our music,
I want to hold your hands tight,
And admire life to the fullest.

Reading Neruda's lines to you,
I want to pause and kiss you slowly,
Thereby completing the lines,
More beautifully.

When we grow old together
And look at everything we created,
I want to rest my head on your chest,
Telling "you are everything".