Something about a card castle.

I was always an over thinker, a person who gets paranoid when things go slightly off track from what's been already planned. Nonetheless, my journey of overthinking is not succumbing to the pointless spiral of thoughts. I research and think in every possible way to find solutions and alternative possibilities (which could be totally nuts sometimes!).

People tell me not to worry over future too much, which is absolutely right. Still, there are dreams and plans that act as a light of hope and the driving force of your life. I am the kind of person who makes clear plans about dealing with a situation and expects things that might happen following certain events, in order to be less surprised (or shocked). I also remind myself about the standard deviations that could be applied.

At certain times, life knocks me out completely by shattering my card castle within a fraction of second. The card castle is interesting as well as depressing due to various reasons. You build it with such spirit that you forget its reliability. The bigger you build, the more vulnerable it gets. You assume that the base row may support it relentlessly and you realize that, though it would collapse last, at the end it is definitely going to crash just like the other cards.

I feel like the base row is your family and everyone who supports you. The rest of the card castle are your dreams and hopes. They are constructed over the foundation of trust and support. But once when your plans and dreams crashes, the base gets affected too. The people who hold close to your heart may hurt you unintentionally. At the end of the day, you''ll only have that hands and will that prompts you to build the castle again.

Like every human, I have many internal conflicts too. I keep it to myself always. Sometimes they conflict too much and bruise my heart. I hate that sometimes I cannot express my thoughts by speech as effectively as through a written form. I am interrupted by emotions. During critical times, I am just tears and a bunch of broken words. Even though, I am ebulliently (and annoyingly) humorous at other times.

Today was such a day on which I got hit by the unexpected news that crashed the card castle I've been building for so long. It is not novel for my castle, but this time the base started collapsing too.
I understand that life is like this, but for once I expect it to be fair to me.

I hope at the end of the day everything will be alright. Once again lets accept, let go and start again from the first card.

Journey.

In a war I would never win,

I defeated myself,

for you.

I always climb swiftly,
To the long mountains
Of beautiful red flowers.
I search for you besides,
And I find you smiling at me,
Down from the valley.
Gazing from the peak,
Neither did I see the sky,
the relentless waves,
Or the eternal red flowers.
I could only see you.

Standing at the zenith of the world,

And myself,

I wonder if your eyes

Searched for me too.

My eyelids are high,

high as they are stoned.

There is a growing chaos,

fragments from fragments,

Slowing succumbing to this white noise,

My nomadic mind wanders,

through yesterdays and tomorrows.

Is this insomnia,

or a travelogue?

Stemming.

Slicing my heart into tiny bits,

And pestling the pieces with blunt edges,

I crushed out its wetness

And fed it to the seed to grow.

The seed grew into a plant

And sung with the beats of my heart.

Its roots grew through my veins,

Almost indistinguishable by then.

Took every bit of air from my lungs,

and the tiny leaves grew one by one,

Into a canopy that could even hide the sun.

The sapling grew in to a gargantuan tree.

Its roots entangled between my bones and nerves

I laid down looking at it,

With a peaceful grin.

And then I declared,

"You are mine and I am yours."

Let me.

Let me drown in this beautiful abyss,
In the darkest blue shades of tonight's sky
and feel the stars kiss me slow.
Can I live in meadows of white lillies
And in the notes of spring's music.
Let these waves take me to the heart of ocean,
Where mermaids sing lullabies.
Let me vanish in this gentle breeze,
And let the mountains carry my vibes.
Let me love you and
Never let my soul die.

Longing

To lose track of time in the depth of your eyes,

to feel the cold rain drops falling to my cheeks,

to look at the scarlet sky and leaving birds,

to let the wind play with my hair,

to embrace the waves caressing my feet,

to stare at shafting sun rays between the canopies,

to steal a look when you close your eyes to kiss,

to wish to be a part of this starry sky,

to lie on the grassland and read poetry,

to go for a night drive and love city lights,

to hold your hand and keep it at my heart,

to fall in love with the world.

Toujours

Blue waves ran into the shore,
My feet sunk into soft sand,
The sun kissed the sea
And the sky blushed in orange.
But I only saw you.

Lying on the lush Savannah,
Where white lilies bloomed,
And old birds sung lullabies;
your lips touched my ears,
And I only heard you.

At tranquil mountain tops,
Cuddled by the pine trees,
Cold breeze filling my lungs
And When you kissed me,
I only felt you.

On those starry nights,
When tiny lights filled heart
And cosmos called me
Under the blankets,
I only need you.