It hurts

It hurts.

Sun was garish and the ground burned,
But summer was the coolest,
You were all there,
We grew up together.
And I wanted to ruin the clock.
To stop the time.
And one day we'd grown up.
And moved away forever.
When the childhood ended,
Felt like I'd already lived my life.

It hurts.
We met, we said our names,
Days went and we knew more,
And then we cried laughing,
Teased and had the fun.
Stood for each other,
All said when we parted,
"we'll always remember."
Now I've many contact names.
And I'm one of yours too.
Remembering.

It hurts.
Hide and seek was fun
And the story games we played.
All holidays were festive,
I'd wanted to join Hogwarts,
To become a vampire,
And a shaolin soccer.
Stayed awake at 3 Am,
Finishing the book series.
Now I like to stare at screens.
And to sleep.

It hurts.
I wanted to bring a change.
Was a popping confetti.
In love with all the colors,
Movies, books and music.
Wanted to write.
Had to bring out the story,
I raised for years.
Now I have my wings.
The wrong wings and I'm stuck.

It hurts.
I thought we were the perfect two.
Your long texts I longed for,
songs all over my playlist,
Late night fathomless talks.
Our legendary pen and pendent.
But now we're grey.
And I knew I was the Gemini,
You couldn't have.
I was still in my worlds,
You doesn't like to visit.

It hurts that everything hurts.

Cozy burial vault.

Why is the end so appealing?
Was there a beginning?
Why isn't the middle exciting?
Isn't it leading to the end?

Dying to live up expectations.
Dying to pursue the dreams.
Dying to make the plans work.
Dying for the future days.

Can you see the yellow bees?
Little lillies aside the meadows?
Heard the cuckoo's new song?
Seen toads hopping to puddles?

Oh.
Yes.

You haven't opened your eyes yet.

And you.
Have you closed it as they said?
Your burial vault will be sweet.
You can watch it's dead black roof.

Forever and more.

Life is totally in *control !

Once the fictional favorite Margo Roth Spiegelman said 'In this paper thin and  fragile paper towns, people burn their future to stay warm at the present.' I concur to those words as much as I believe Earth is round. Nothing is more absurd and subterfuge than thinking that time and fate will totally succumb to your plans. Maybe plans would make it less wondrous, but no way everything would end up sparkling. so living the life with its flow is golden. Most of the people reading (if any) might normally disagree with popping thoughts such as thats-not-reality, hipster-and-aimless , you'll-die-homeless , wonderful-fictional-thoughts, everyone-says-that, etc. My dears, it's the side effect when super reality juxtapose with fantasy embellished as reality.
We can make our moves for the sake of ourselves, that we should never complain again about the past too. I think it's a way people adopted when worrying about future got so profound and they couldn't put up with contemplating about past too.

The silver lining is that future is a total surprise and there are unknown considerable chances of getting lucky. So
Don't ever whine about stupid grades or silly issues or failures or about any freaking things, because even if you won the highest grade and got hit by a truck, that success is irrelevant. But when you failed in a test, but still have a life to write a retest, that's super awesome.

Everything is about perspectives. Let the life make you stronger and vibrant, because even in it darkest grooves and writhing roads, life is beautiful.

L I V E.  And L E T   L I V E.

Me or the World!

I don't understand the correlation between chronological age and tolerance level. Typically from what I've learned, it should take the saucer shape if plotted as a graph. Initially a gradual increase, then a long persistence and again as getting older the levels decline. But my dear friends, from my personal experience my graph is going for a notch. I don't know what's wrong with me, I can't freaking tolerate anything. Not that I turn arrogant or rebellious, I simply get tired. I get tired of talking to people who does not even listen, I'm tired of convincing people who doesn't understand, I'm tired of accepting things that oblige me to do so, and I'm tired of living through situations that I just want to shift+ delete from my life. Things might be silly, but I'm getting annoyed as hell.
What if I'm the only one, what if everyone are okay with the world and obediently following their saucer graph. I don't know. I have no idea, because seeing others function normally, I wonder what makes them go through everything as if it's a cake. My notch graph will soon hit the axis surface.
Can I just exit from everything Just for a Second.
Is there anyone who thinks like me?

Wanderlust

Loved the way the bluest sky,

Often the tiniest bits of it,
twinkles through the green leaves,
And when it race you to there.
The black roads untouched,
Memories of tires burnt long ago,
He woke them up with love,
They carried him all the way,
following the high heart.

Sunk in the mountain fogs,
Embracing the fresh paths of woods,
Lively streams quenched the thirst,
made him high for more.
Wanderlust was always at edges,
Loving to get lost to find himself.
But was stringed to bright screens,
Lame faces and not the free birds,
Or the wild flowers he wanted.
Stuck stuck stuck
With the world he loathed,

And the bookworm he couldn't count on.

As always he wanted to fly.
He was meant to.

Who are the winners?

Indeed it's a sour truth that most of us have pretty good experience with failures than successes.I may use few asterisks for this is not the case of all. There exist people who were born to win.
I personally had more loses than wins.
We have so much to go for, so many things to fight for. In between failures kill the spirits perpetually and thanks to the wonderful brain which manipulate it into "stepping stones" and the contribution of the  poor memory too. Wins help in building confidence and also to create more failures sometimes.
Well, life always has an affinity towards failures.
Obviously, deep inside we bludgeon ourselves as losers.
College, career, job, family, expectations,dreams.

Now, read this out.
Let's find out something different.

1. What are dreams?

They are not goals, not plans and not some stupid following-path-mission. They and uniquely and ubiquitously dreams. The ones that never let you sleep. It is the one you think about on every single day until you start living them. So whatever you do, for whatever you fight for, make sure it's for the very dream that inspires to live every second. It doesn't matter if you're stuck in something other, quit it nicely or manage it until you cherish your dreams, because staying reluctantly stagnant increase your failures. Simply, Do what you love. (Even though its not that simple)

2.Why do we fail?

Because we want to. You may not accept this, but it's the truth. In the fathomless abyss of the heart, you don't want those wins for yourself. These were just some short term goals or plans for the ones you really care about. You'll start winning at the moment you start doing things for yourselves. That's not being selfish but just showing self respect. So if you're doing something for others and tired of failing them, stop it and convince your folks.
They'll understand.Maybe you should add an account on how its killing your one and only precious life.

3. Are we losers?

No, we are not. We can't lose what we want. The things we lost were the stuffs that were unnecessary to the heart. If you really need something, or if it's your precious dream, you're gonna get it one day and every single step or attempt towards it is a progress.No matter what, you'll die for it. Never give up, it's worth to fight for what you love.

So in fact we haven't lost anything. And we are never losers.

Dears, let's never get heart sick or sad about what we lost. We have not lost anything we needed so badly.
Keep your heads high and go for what you love.
Don't listen to the words of the world that pushes you back.
Never let the words of comparison Pierce you.
It's you who knows you better than anyone.
Believe.  love.   live.
Never forget to say a good word or offer an arm to the ones you see in between your journey to find yourself.

A change to the blog name!

It's about 4 years since I've started writing this blog. Even though I haven't been a frequent poster or a blogger who always kept track of the events in her life and inspirations on the blog, I love this little world I have. All the posts right from "Dreamcatchers" include everything that have moved me deeply. I write when I feel like the saturation point of holding no more emotions to myself and that means all the moments of writing each of the posts were the edgy times of my life.

I'm still at the state of ambiguity about why I started a blog. I was 16 and just felt like my writings would look amazing with classic backgrounds, pictures and eerie fonts and obviously it was cool to have a blog. Later I discovered that the true emotion of writing in a blog was 'freedom'
and a tranquil escape from chaos to myself. Hits,comments,shares,followers and popularity were all truly least of my concern for never once I've shared the blog on my social network walls. I wanted the world to read what I've written, I wanted them to discover it someday naturally. I don't mind waiting.

I named it 'The rise of a Phoenix' for the sake of fascination with Phoenix birds.The incredible and beautiful idea of a life growing out of fire which was the invincible destruction of the same, but after 4 years I feel like I've not been writing to grow into something magnificent, I wanted to abscond  from the world and the part of the growth it induced in me. Writing was forgetting everything and being me to the fullest. It was my oblivion.
A happy oblivion.
So dears, here I'm changing the blog name to 'Happy oblivion'.

Love
Ankitha.