To live. To breathe.

I watched the movie 'Me before you', just a few seconds ago and fell in love with it. Maybe because I was craving for a emotional vacation as I'm getting pretty much sick of the life presently. Incredible performance from Sam Clafin (and his dimples,of course) and Emilia Clarke. Actually the movie had prompted me to read it's book.Really I desperately want to, now. More than everything I feel depressed and it made me better. Insane thing! But believe me, I feel glad that I felt something, you know, so ardently, it moved my heart. Such a poignant piece of art.
Sometimes to make art influencing and to have a miraculous reach is just by bringing more life into it rather than filling it with fiction and twists and graphics. Just simply, life. I've always been in love with books and movies which showed life, what it is to be alive through each day and how those little and beautiful imprints also the grim ones of each day stitches to our soul. And finally when we leave this wonderful world, that last blink, the things that will stay in heart, those imprints of the past beautiful life. Every time when reading, when the author describes about the most precious and irrefutable events of any character's life in little phrases, it never leaves my mind. I always remember them. I love that speechless moment of life astounding me, whether in an art or really happening. I've always wanted life be so close to me, so close that I can hear my heart beating to myself. That's why I want to write. That's the reason I love art.
It makes me feel alive and sound.

63

Ink glorified, lens extravagances and
the brains made it magnificent.
The prototypes were admired,
Beyond time and lives.

Seldom thought it'll be alive,
Nor revered it for real.
In the abyss of the beats,
And deep of the thoughts,
Longed for it secretly.

'It' brought me to it.
Tediously, yet gracefully.

The 'sunshine' lightened up,
My tenebrious heart.
Was my world and above,
Were my burning stars,
In the darkest sky.
Was my beloved song,
Of the eternal playlist.
Had the deepest voice,
that called to time travel.
Was the 'mirror' ; assonant,
But the opposite,
Was the host of dreams,
I would be visitant.

Was the 'it' of mine,
For 'it' was the most,
Beautiful. Incredible.poignant
And writhing.

'It' was love.

63 Suns and 'it' burned.
Then I smoked the clouds,
drunk the oceans
And the pain.
It stayed.
I killed 'it' and it killed me.

The 'mirror' was lonely.

Bliss of the awaited.

Finally the petrichor arose...
The sobriquet of love.
R A I N.
Those little droplets kissed the flowers as a souvenir.
My mind wandered beyond miles,
And it rained there too.

Life and folks. (Mine)

Last year, 2015. About this month I was receiving a farewell. Our warden, sister was finally saying few words for us. I met some of best people in my life there, an that farewell atmosphere was making it hard for us at heart. Sister stood up and  begun like this,
"It's a natural phenomena that we meet to part, and it's the hardest of to go through."

Today, laying peacefully on my bed, staring at the white ceiling and reading the amazing 'The Book Thief', I was contemplating about all the wonderful people I'd met and how much I miss them.

During the high school days, I had many good friends and I was not the girl who always hung around a best friend. I was the one who was seen in a group having fun and joking around. But then, I met Sruthi during the 7th grade. We were pretty close friends from the beginning of 8th grade and she was my first and last best friend. If 'best' is defined by the way we shared our dreams and passions, she laughs at my every single stupid jokes, she was all bright and sunshine at heart, we never fought even once and she understood me more than anyone in the world.
And when the high school was over, we parted. We used to text once in a week and call once in a while. Later, we were all stuck in our own problems and lost contacts and there happened times like we have to vanish from all social networks and to virtually hide ourselves from others seeing that we are heart sick. Now, I was able to know that she is pursuing her dreams of becoming a  director and I am truly happy for her. It's almost 3 years since I've talked to her, but Sruthi is still my best buddy for all the good times we shared.

I had another best person from my family. Vidya. Vidya Chechi (sister) for me, my cousin. She was more than a cousin, she was like a good friend to me. Chechi was all crazy, happy, talented and an intelligent person. She always inspired me by the way she looked at life in an amazing angle she believed that nobody could understand more beautifully, let alone herself. She was an artist, a dancer and a good human. More than everything she was my craziest and funny-as-hell sister. We used to laugh till our stomachs hurt. She is only person in my life who gets me books everytime we meet.
But time and distance breaks us once in a while, she lives at Australia. When we grew up, we both got busy with our life.when we get to meet, we'll be all the same, but I miss her terribly sometimes and it takes about almost 2 years of interval for us to meet. She will be forever amazing the way she is.

Last year, I met another amazing person. Riya. We just had one year together and I've never found someone so similar to me in thoughts and interests. But Riya was more kind, fragile and humane than me. It was sisterhood that bonded us more than friendship, for that she was 2 years younger than me. We had so many craziest and weird dreams like zombie apocalypse and time travelling. We both were fascinated by art, literature and movies and also had the funny bone. I've never laughed like I did on those days, hehe almost choking laughing with watery eyes.
We were so sure that we'll keep in touch always even after leaving there, saying people at space keep in touch with their folks, why wouldn't us!.
There were also few wonderful people like Sameeksha, Nikita, Arlyne, Jisa and Aamiya, I met there. Those were the best times of my life. 
Just as same and sad the life is, Riya was also gone. We were in different countries and busy with college and stuff. Still we text once in a while, but it was nowhere close to those hilarious days we spent before. I can never forget her.

Now at college, I've a best person, a good friend, a sister. Meleeza. Meli Chechi for me. Unlike all the previous persons, Meli Chechi and me are very much different in dreams and interests.
But more than everything what I loved in this world is passion and spirit of life. Loving the way we are and living the way we love.
Meli Chechi was all a crazy, energetic, lovely, badass and funny person. She was a little similar to Vidya Chechi for me, as she loves to dance and is amazing at art. But the thing is Meli Chechi wouldn't mind punching someone in face if he/she annoyed her. Her spirit is contagious sometimes and I always envied and loved the the way she is,so impulsive and impossible. She always understood, supported and inspired me at hard times and made me die laughing at times. Indeed one of the best person of my life.
Next year she'll be finished with college and I don't know how much I'm going to miss her.

I'm really blessed and happy that I'd all these wonderful people in my life.At the same time I also feel grim that I'd to miss them at certain points of life.
I remember this quote,
" we don't meet people by accident,
They come to our lives for a reason. "

Yes, I did meet all of them for a reason. I loved them all and miss them, and I'm glad for all the great times and memories to cherish forever, during all the hard times.
 
People.
We meet. We part. We remember.

The contra

The world runs on the concept of superiority and inferiority. Everything is based on it and believe it or not, whatever they say about how Democratic they are...it's just one big fat lie. Maybe being inferior is inevitable and irrelevant to think. Most of us even don't recognize the ways we are inferior in many things. Maybe everybody have both phases in life, but got to say that being inferior sucks. What if the superiors give a second thought about treating the inferiors and consider them as somebody who are on the process of development or at least have the sympathy on their condition that they will be inferiors forever. Attitude seeks the change. Just thinking a glorious scene of people not worrying about their positions but duties is as wonderful as it sounds. Omitting the egos and complexes are not only healthy but also a help to the society.
You may think that the reason behind this post might be my bitter experience of being an inferior. Then you rocks because it's true. I am totally tired of being 'juniored' at college. That's annoying as well as depressing, but at college things are always different and thinking about the wonderful memories it may give after wards...we can ignore it.
I just wish if we could make a difference by just acting different.

An awful memory.

How tiny are our lives...

My heart is so broken.

If you judge me because I write about kittens, then my friends I don't mind. A life is something so beautiful and precious and just because we humans think ourselves as the perfects and invincible beings,just should know that it takes less than 5 minutes to die of any kind of asphyxiation. 

So. this.  is .real .

Three days ago my aunt and Achamma(grandma) called me on phone and said, there were 3 beautiful kittens arrived at Achamma's room, they were found sleeping under the Bureau.Me and brother were so happy and too exited to see them. A white elegent mother and fully white (except grey tail), and two grey and white mixed sweet little kittens.Right at that moment we went to see them.We were overwhelmed by seeing the way those kittens were happily cuddled together.I felt like there is nothing more beautiful than this in the world, a wave of compassion hit me. Achamma said to me that having these kittens in the room makes her less lonely that all her grand children are away.It makes her heart warm seeing them and reminds her of those struggling old times when all her 6 children (my dad and aunts)were sleeping in the same bed, but in content.My brother loves kittens like anything, when i took pics of them he asked me switch of the flash and not to wake them.I put the images on my whatsapp family group. They were happy but raised many questions about the health problem it may create.But achamma just waved their questions down," whatever,I am keeping them here.". There were no more questions.

Yesterday I went to sleep over at Achamma's. I slept in her room, and adored the kittens again.My aunt had provided them warm mats and milk.I was amazed,that they were so quiet.  Today morning, I woke up and again checked on them. The little guys had slowly started to walk. We adored them and filled milk in the bowl.Then, I went to my home.

My cousin with his new born baby and  in-laws family were coming to see Achamma. At noon, again I went there to see the baby. The baby was taken to the room.All the family followed. The kittens were actively wandering in the room.All the guests were anxious about them hurting the baby and the irritation of them touching their feet while walking. Mother kitten wasn't there, my aunt collected all the kittens in a tub and took them to terrace upstairs. The wall of tub were too big for them, so that they couldn't escape. After few hours the guests were gone and I too returned to my home.

Now, half an hour ago, My aunt called me saying that all the kittens are dead.They were killed by some other bigger cat. She said she couldn't bear to watch the mother cat grieving and looking for her children.There was some horrible noise and aunt went up to check on the kittens.But she was late.

With my heart sinking, I thought about the trapped little souls struggling in the tub.

I skimmed through their images i taken on my phone and i couldn't stop the tears.

I can feel a fathomless hole in my heart.

ESCAPING FROM BOLIVER'S LABYRINTH

Dear reader,

 This one is about the ridiculously pathetic lame life of mine and how I rescued myself.

Once John Green had convinced me that to escape from the labyrinth of suffering we must forgive, but I think the only way is literally escaping or running away. Let's not indulge the labyrinth to torture us.

It's true that some choices really shatter our lives, but the amazing thing is anyone choice may reverse the whole 'black hole' effect.We get to make plenty of them. Regarding our passions, giving the right wings for our dreams is the most important choice that will matter our whole lives.

When I was a kid, I really didn't have any ambition and by 'kid' I mean until turning 15. Actually I had so many wishes like becoming a vampire (I googled 'how can I become a vampire?' several times.). Shaolin soccer wanted to catch road runner, etc. But my parents were really ambitious about me. They had dreams.They wished If I could become a doctor and all my studying streams were based on it.Meanwhile, I was doomed in fiction.I read so many wonderful books and it made my childhood remarkable.When I was in senior school and 16, I developed a dream of becoming an author.I get writing ideas when I'm travelling, eating, bathing, sitting at school,etc.I was obsessed over reading author's Wikipedia profiles.I was so interested in finding out how they became a writer.The last two years of my school life were all books and authors and good movies.I really thought it was a challenge to create intonations of emotions in a person's mind through words.I wondered how can i express a good old song, the moment after an amazing movie, the moment when we finish a book series we loved from childhood...through words.I love to try it because so many authors had done it to me.

But suddenly life was all in turning points and i was too slow to act. It costed me an awful year of suffering in someplace I didn't belong.I failed my parents and my loved folks. After a turmoil of events and lots of encouragements from my best friends like Riya,Nikitha,Sameeksha,Aamiya and lot others, I am finally choosing the path i love.I don't know if it's right or wrong, but I am surely going to love that path. I am going to do honors in English literature and Journalism after years of struggling with asphyxiating science and medical school preparations. This feels really good and interesting that I'm going to do so much in my life in the way I always dreamt.

I'd escaped from my labyrinth by just not proceeding any further in it.

Whoever is reading this, I just want to tell you that don't spoil your time doing the things you don't love or excel at. Just act fast and get the hell out of it. 
Do what you love, BELIEVE IN YOUR DREAMS AND PASSIONS.. convince your folks. 

With lots of love,

Ankitha.

Ps: I couldn't join that course.