An awful memory.

How tiny are our lives...

My heart is so broken.

If you judge me because I write about kittens, then my friends I don't mind. A life is something so beautiful and precious and just because we humans think ourselves as the perfects and invincible beings,just should know that it takes less than 5 minutes to die of any kind of asphyxiation. 

So. this.  is .real .

Three days ago my aunt and Achamma(grandma) called me on phone and said, there were 3 beautiful kittens arrived at Achamma's room, they were found sleeping under the Bureau.Me and brother were so happy and too exited to see them. A white elegent mother and fully white (except grey tail), and two grey and white mixed sweet little kittens.Right at that moment we went to see them.We were overwhelmed by seeing the way those kittens were happily cuddled together.I felt like there is nothing more beautiful than this in the world, a wave of compassion hit me. Achamma said to me that having these kittens in the room makes her less lonely that all her grand children are away.It makes her heart warm seeing them and reminds her of those struggling old times when all her 6 children (my dad and aunts)were sleeping in the same bed, but in content.My brother loves kittens like anything, when i took pics of them he asked me switch of the flash and not to wake them.I put the images on my whatsapp family group. They were happy but raised many questions about the health problem it may create.But achamma just waved their questions down," whatever,I am keeping them here.". There were no more questions.

Yesterday I went to sleep over at Achamma's. I slept in her room, and adored the kittens again.My aunt had provided them warm mats and milk.I was amazed,that they were so quiet.  Today morning, I woke up and again checked on them. The little guys had slowly started to walk. We adored them and filled milk in the bowl.Then, I went to my home.

My cousin with his new born baby and  in-laws family were coming to see Achamma. At noon, again I went there to see the baby. The baby was taken to the room.All the family followed. The kittens were actively wandering in the room.All the guests were anxious about them hurting the baby and the irritation of them touching their feet while walking. Mother kitten wasn't there, my aunt collected all the kittens in a tub and took them to terrace upstairs. The wall of tub were too big for them, so that they couldn't escape. After few hours the guests were gone and I too returned to my home.

Now, half an hour ago, My aunt called me saying that all the kittens are dead.They were killed by some other bigger cat. She said she couldn't bear to watch the mother cat grieving and looking for her children.There was some horrible noise and aunt went up to check on the kittens.But she was late.

With my heart sinking, I thought about the trapped little souls struggling in the tub.

I skimmed through their images i taken on my phone and i couldn't stop the tears.

I can feel a fathomless hole in my heart.

ESCAPING FROM BOLIVER'S LABYRINTH

Dear reader,

 This one is about the ridiculously pathetic lame life of mine and how I rescued myself.

Once John Green had convinced me that to escape from the labyrinth of suffering we must forgive, but I think the only way is literally escaping or running away. Let's not indulge the labyrinth to torture us.

It's true that some choices really shatter our lives, but the amazing thing is anyone choice may reverse the whole 'black hole' effect.We get to make plenty of them. Regarding our passions, giving the right wings for our dreams is the most important choice that will matter our whole lives.

When I was a kid, I really didn't have any ambition and by 'kid' I mean until turning 15. Actually I had so many wishes like becoming a vampire (I googled 'how can I become a vampire?' several times.). Shaolin soccer wanted to catch road runner, etc. But my parents were really ambitious about me. They had dreams.They wished If I could become a doctor and all my studying streams were based on it.Meanwhile, I was doomed in fiction.I read so many wonderful books and it made my childhood remarkable.When I was in senior school and 16, I developed a dream of becoming an author.I get writing ideas when I'm travelling, eating, bathing, sitting at school,etc.I was obsessed over reading author's Wikipedia profiles.I was so interested in finding out how they became a writer.The last two years of my school life were all books and authors and good movies.I really thought it was a challenge to create intonations of emotions in a person's mind through words.I wondered how can i express a good old song, the moment after an amazing movie, the moment when we finish a book series we loved from childhood...through words.I love to try it because so many authors had done it to me.

But suddenly life was all in turning points and i was too slow to act. It costed me an awful year of suffering in someplace I didn't belong.I failed my parents and my loved folks. After a turmoil of events and lots of encouragements from my best friends like Riya,Nikitha,Sameeksha,Aamiya and lot others, I am finally choosing the path i love.I don't know if it's right or wrong, but I am surely going to love that path. I am going to do honors in English literature and Journalism after years of struggling with asphyxiating science and medical school preparations. This feels really good and interesting that I'm going to do so much in my life in the way I always dreamt.

I'd escaped from my labyrinth by just not proceeding any further in it.

Whoever is reading this, I just want to tell you that don't spoil your time doing the things you don't love or excel at. Just act fast and get the hell out of it. 
Do what you love, BELIEVE IN YOUR DREAMS AND PASSIONS.. convince your folks. 

With lots of love,

Ankitha.

Ps: I couldn't join that course. 

Lucky day

YAY!!!!

This is why she is one of my fav authors!

Good Old days

              Bicycle days!

I don't think it's lame to write about a cycle. Even before writing this in my journal my brother asked me "Are you really writing about a cycle?".Why not? I loved those days like every kid , but I never knew epiphanies hurt so badly and it does worse when the changed one is 'me’. Okay, let’s start from 7 years before...

Like every kid (especially 90's kids), I was very much exited about owning a cycle. Though I didn't know how to ride( 'wishes always doesn't need reasons' ),I wondered "what are the thing impossible for a cycle less kid" and I was literally blown out by millions of answers. So obviously i started being so stubborn and perpetually asked for a cycle to my parents. According to the survey taken by the local-9-year-old-survey (LNYOS) I found out that there were only a dozen of kids who owned cycles. I was always sunk in the reveries like how fast I could move with cycles, honking all the way through the street (whoa!). I was just a lucky fellow back then; I got my cousin's brand new BSA champ bicycle when she shifted to Australia!!!

I unpacked the cycle and stared at it for a few minutes and then i collected my lower jaw from the floor. It was one of those moments when you climbed the Mount Everest and taking photographs for the media. But then came the real problem, I don't know how to ride it. I felt like dog that got a raw coconut (but a brand new fantastic coconut). Then I started practicing on our gravel filled courtyard. My cycle had a cool seat filled with cartoon images. I contributed a few more stickers that I got free with children's magazine. I fell down infinite times but you know this-means-war! I was really in grief when I saw scratches on that shiny metallic sky blue surface and not on my knees and elbows. The biggest accident was when I fell down on the pit where we planted the palm. Obviously, My-cat-woman-mom rescued me.

Finally my hard work was worth. I started riding the cycle through the smooth roads. I still remember when i whooed in the joy of learning to ride cycle my teachers who were returning from school stared at me like 'If she rides like this we are going to get a leave tomorrow’. I didn't care, because i was in the third world where only we both existed.

After some years like 2 and a half, the new lady bird cycles were released. Most of the girls wanted one. I also felt an irresistible urge in me to get one. I started seeing reveries and compared it with my BSA champ. Bigger tires, cool handles,.....blah-blah.On a rainy day my dad presented me the new lady bird which was cool brown colored with a bridge like progression on the center. I was a 13 year old that time.

Then after a couple of years more my aunt bought a wonderful scooty.I learned to drive it so swiftly and felt cozy riding it than a cycle. Then I started madly driving it as a replacement to the cycle. Gradually the lady bird moved to the roof top with my BSA champ. Then my little cousin sister took those cycle to her home while I sat without waving a final good-bye. Now I can understand how it felt. I don't regret giving it to her (she is my only sweet little sis), but I'm extremely sad. Currently, I'm at a situation in which I doesn't have either cycle or scooty and for the cherry on the top my brother bought a new cycle and he doesn't allow me to ride it or even touch it (just because he love it too much).I don't deserve to care it anymore...

'People changes, but memories not'..But I hate it when I changes revocably...

Torn pages..

This poem is a memoir; the glimpse of the turned pages of my life. The wonderful days of friendship and fathomless sisterhood..!

                                        FOREVER CONQUERED SHOULDERS

                   

When last bench made me it's native,

I saw you all glance at me.

Pounding of heart watered my eyes,

I felt your kindness warm me.

When you hold my hands,

And put those arms around me,

Seldom did I thought it's for forever

That you conquered my shoulders!

Novelness drown me in its sea,

You rescued me perversely.

Then the bench tied us to one,

Later you all seemed just like me!

Then we pranked, loved, had fun and

Got punished, stole lunches, nick named,

Fell in troubles, patted when won or failed,

Laughed till our stomach ached.

But never did we know how tiny time was!

Or how brutal was the fate!!

Autographs pierced our hearts, so did the-

good byes and waving of hand and tears.

Then we remembered, we are never apart,

Our shoulders were forever conquered!!

A memoir.

AN EXTRAORDINARY ORDINARY JOURNEY.

Closing the eyes and focusing a single minute in a noisy bus when its chaotically full and filled with cacophony seems impossible. My consciousness was chastising me and i felt weird. The storm outside was competing with the people inside. The blurry moist front glass of bus looked like the perpetually broad French window to gaze the world. Those crystal blue eyes were calm and reckless, totally oblivious to everything! That 3 and a half foot little soul observed everything that we missed (nevertheless I felt it).He watched the bugs browse through the glass, opened his mouth in amazement when he saw the over flowing river is almost touching the bridge. He grinned when those little drops from the umbrella hit his face..By the time the only thing I could do was getting annoyed by the haphazard sounds of bus and people. I kind of envied him. It was then i heard from his mother who was sitting nearby the little lad that the boy was born oblivious to the chaotic world or he is deaf and dumb. Obviously the enormous sympathetic looks fell on him but never mine’s. He never bothered. I felt he is blessed because he listens with his heart, see with his soul and talks with his eyes. Why we need our ears, eyes and tongue if we don’t ‘listen’, ‘see' and 'talk'??

THE WORLD IS IN CHAOS AMIGOS!!!!!

A poem

                       ODD LIFE                   

feels like blind, but its not dark!

Eyes are flashed out, but it's not flash!

Maybe it's sun, not the sun I know,

And also a weird layer of fog that chokes me.

Sun is burning, so as the Earth;

Seldom moves the sun like the way it did.

Winter is late; autumn isn't over so.

Leaves keep falling, but they don't stop!!

Little sparrow starts leaving the place,

But the walking tall creature don't !

It didn't know, they doesn't notice.

They just keep touching and staring ,

at a wide glowing screen!

Clouds roar, lights and run.

Sounds cluttered the creature's ears.

They came out to check from the cozy den,

It was rain! they thought it was no more!!

It was drop of green and joy,

And so does the petrichor grew!!

It was when the creatures knew,

For all their life was odd without it!!