I was always an over thinker, a person who gets paranoid when things go slightly off track from what's been already planned. Nonetheless, my journey of overthinking is not succumbing to the pointless spiral of thoughts. I research and think in every possible way to find solutions and alternative possibilities (which could be totally nuts sometimes!).
People tell me not to worry over future too much, which is absolutely right. Still, there are dreams and plans that act as a light of hope and the driving force of your life. I am the kind of person who makes clear plans about dealing with a situation and expects things that might happen following certain events, in order to be less surprised (or shocked). I also remind myself about the standard deviations that could be applied.
At certain times, life knocks me out completely by shattering my card castle within a fraction of second. The card castle is interesting as well as depressing due to various reasons. You build it with such spirit that you forget its reliability. The bigger you build, the more vulnerable it gets. You assume that the base row may support it relentlessly and you realize that, though it would collapse last, at the end it is definitely going to crash just like the other cards.
I feel like the base row is your family and everyone who supports you. The rest of the card castle are your dreams and hopes. They are constructed over the foundation of trust and support. But once when your plans and dreams crashes, the base gets affected too. The people who hold close to your heart may hurt you unintentionally. At the end of the day, you''ll only have that hands and will that prompts you to build the castle again.
Like every human, I have many internal conflicts too. I keep it to myself always. Sometimes they conflict too much and bruise my heart. I hate that sometimes I cannot express my thoughts by speech as effectively as through a written form. I am interrupted by emotions. During critical times, I am just tears and a bunch of broken words. Even though, I am ebulliently (and annoyingly) humorous at other times.
Today was such a day on which I got hit by the unexpected news that crashed the card castle I've been building for so long. It is not novel for my castle, but this time the base started collapsing too.
I understand that life is like this, but for once I expect it to be fair to me.
I hope at the end of the day everything will be alright. Once again lets accept, let go and start again from the first card.
