Smoked Heart

Everything becomes true and real when it is to it's fullest, whether it be the emotions or deeds. I've never felt any good in limiting the life, though some situations tend to oblige us to do so. The more such situations, the lesser we live. Before 7 weeks from this day, I felt like I was the happiest person on earth. Everything were going so gentle and pleasant, suddenly from the next day onwards the love of obnoxiousness showered on me. I was fitting in to a tougher dilemma, oneday everything turned to a cake and again I was allowed to float freely under the warm and bright sunlight. Then again all of a sudden I was drowned. But this time it's never like before. I let go of many great things things of and for my life. I die everyday of the regrets and gets reformed by the dreams about future. Whatever things I had to let go were unnecessary for my heart, but very much required for everyone around me now and later. But now, I indulged something which was preciously poignant. Everything and everyone else were oblivious. My heart required it, but it's gone. Painfully irrefutable. I'll be resurrected, though everything will live deep inside for it has only made me a much better person.
I'm going through hardest of times.
I haven't read for weeks and written for months. Some kind of rare pain was engulfing my heart. I feel like it is being smoked. Sometimes I don't even get the relevance of breathing. A dangerous lethargy.
Everything will get better.

To live. To breathe.

I watched the movie 'Me before you', just a few seconds ago and fell in love with it. Maybe because I was craving for a emotional vacation as I'm getting pretty much sick of the life presently. Incredible performance from Sam Clafin (and his dimples,of course) and Emilia Clarke. Actually the movie had prompted me to read it's book.Really I desperately want to, now. More than everything I feel depressed and it made me better. Insane thing! But believe me, I feel glad that I felt something, you know, so ardently, it moved my heart. Such a poignant piece of art.
Sometimes to make art influencing and to have a miraculous reach is just by bringing more life into it rather than filling it with fiction and twists and graphics. Just simply, life. I've always been in love with books and movies which showed life, what it is to be alive through each day and how those little and beautiful imprints also the grim ones of each day stitches to our soul. And finally when we leave this wonderful world, that last blink, the things that will stay in heart, those imprints of the past beautiful life. Every time when reading, when the author describes about the most precious and irrefutable events of any character's life in little phrases, it never leaves my mind. I always remember them. I love that speechless moment of life astounding me, whether in an art or really happening. I've always wanted life be so close to me, so close that I can hear my heart beating to myself. That's why I want to write. That's the reason I love art.
It makes me feel alive and sound.